A Dictionary for Wine Blog Newbies

I'm fairly new to this wine blog thing, and even to the culture that surrounds wine and its eccentric enthusiasts. There are some growing pains in beginning to understand what these folks are even talking about, and the learning curve can be steep and intimidating. To do my part to help the next group of folks that are exploring wine blogs I offer to you a brief dictionary of terms you may encounter:

'food wine' - if said before the wine is tasted it is a compliment to the wine's structure, acidity, and restraint. When said right after a wine is tasted, the taster can't think of anything nice to say about the wine and doesn't want to hurt any feelings.

'barnyard' - a high-browed way to say that you find something sensual about the essence of horse pheromone

'QPR' - a term that allows a bad wine to get a good score, at least in some category. There was a distinct rise in the use of the term QPR right around the early 1980's when it was widely taught that a child's self esteem directly relates to their success.

'citizen reviewer' - a label used by the elite to discredit most of what is written in wine blogs. Wine blog readers must remember there is a distinction between Tanzer and the armchair 'citizen reviewers', or they may become confused on how spend their own money

'three tier distribution' - a Prohibition carryover that if repealed would result in your children becoming alcoholics, but alcoholics with good taste. That is all you need to know about this wine term, oh except that without three tier distribution there would be 20% more wine blog entries that are actually about wine

'Old World' - when said about a wine from Europe it is merely a descriptor of the wine's origin. When said about a wine from California it usually means it tastes like a mouthful of rocks.

'sample' - a free bottle of wine for a wine blogger, the arrival of which can be cross-referenced to the time for which a blog has existed to clearly identify the blogs reach and influence. It is customary to acknowledge a bloggers first 'sample' with a congratulatory statement

'Merlot' - a common grape varietal, grown extensively in Bordeaux, California, and Washington that when reviewed positively needs to be justified with a clever reference to the movie Sideways. Failure to add this justification makes a blog appear too serious, and out of touch (with current readers and 6 year old movies)

I'm sure there are a hundred more terms that wine blog reading newbies trip over repeatedly. Please let me know what phrases are still unclear to you, dear reader. And if you have a definition of your own please add it to the comments.